It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize