i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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