omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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