Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
