he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
