he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
the raccoons are back...
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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