At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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