I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
