bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
