Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
