im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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