we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize