You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
