If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
