margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Mom said you looked used
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
