Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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