you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Never let your siblings swipe right.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
