the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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