I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
They have beer where we have blood.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
