I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
