I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize