I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
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The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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