I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
