Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
