I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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