Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
There r osticjed everywhere
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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