I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
