3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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