Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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