I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
how does that bad decision feel?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
