home. puking in laundry basket.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
