god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i think i have herpe
just one?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
