2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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