I can text with my tongue
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
