no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
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Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
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all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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