My nipple is on Facebook.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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