This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
you didnt know i had herpes?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
