sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
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he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
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holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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