I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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