peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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