I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
