You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
