You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
