I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
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Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
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DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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