12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
