seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
