It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
did you just send me my own nude
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
