I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
