Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You ate ashes out of my bong
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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