tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
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he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
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I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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