I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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