All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
