I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
In America we eat man semen.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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