I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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