bring money and cleavage
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
