I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
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