i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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