you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
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Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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