Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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