Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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