shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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